Weekly Breakdown: Roanoke Revelations

• President Obama gave an immediately infamous speech in Roanoke, VA last Friday. One line in particular led to disbelief and outrage, energizing the conservative movement in 13 words: “No, it’s true.  There is a term limit for Presidents.  You get two.” In response, Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona said, “Yeah, you’re also supposed to be natural-born, but that didn’t stop him.” Catholic Cardinal Timothy Dolan chimed in, “Good to see he’s familiar with the 22nd Amendment. I guess he’s reading them backwards.” And Chief Justice John Roberts added, “Hmm, let me see if there’s a way around that.”

• Another interesting part of the speech was when Obama showed those concerned about Obamacare’s implementation how incredibly hands-on it would be: “…some of you have been standing for a while and I see a couple folks slumping down a little bit.  Make sure you’re drinking water.  Bend your knees.  Don’t stand up too straight… The paramedics will be coming by, so just give folks a little bit of room, they’ll be fine.” Parents with small children quickly left for fear he would begin explaining the HHS contraception mandate.

• Finally, Obama unleashed a line that is sure to define the campaign, staring an audience member straight in the eyes, proclaiming, “I would wake up every single morning thinking about you.” A surely humiliated Michelle Obama could not be reached for comment. Continue reading