Weekly Breakdown: A Taxing Week for Chief Justice John Roberts

  • English: President George W. Bush announces fr...Chief Justice John Roberts submitted an application to the New Yorker to have a glowing feature story written about how his incredibly “thoughtful” and “reasonable” demeanor have finally “brought credibility back to the Supreme Court.”
  • Chief Justice John Roberts published a long love note to President Obama. Even though Obama already voted against his Supreme Court confirmation and insulted him to his face in front of the entire country during the 2010 State of the Union address. In response, Justices Alito, Scalia, Thomas, and Kennedy bought Roberts a DVD of the hit movie He’s Just Not That Into You, saying “This is getting weird. You’re making us all uncomfortable. Please watch the movie.”
  • Chief Justice John Roberts finally released his much-anticipated 1984 II, a novel about a dystopian future with doublethink arguments where a statute is defined as either a tax or a regulation depending on which day it is. The arguments are initially laughed at by the court and mocked by the press, but are later solidified by Supreme Court opinion as double-plus good truths. Former President Bill Clinton’s blurb on the back cover says, “Is this a book you’ll like? It depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is.”
  • Theories abounded that the Obamacare dissent was originally written as the majority opinion, before one of the votes in favor of striking the law changed his mind. In a related story, researchers located the last person in the country still swayed by President Obama’s speeches. His name is Chief Justice John Roberts. Continue reading