Weekly Breakdown: Dumb Americans held in contempt

• Last Friday, President Obama stated his intention to ignore an aspect of current immigration law, bypassing Congress in defiance of the Constitution. Naturally, the media were outraged… when Daily Caller reporter Neil Munro bypassed the rest of the reporters and asked the President a question in defiance of Rose Garden press conference etiquette. Munro’s brazen disregard for process is putting the whole system at risk, am I right?!

• Greece’s something-or-another party won a close election, and a lot of Euro observers pretended to have a clue what that will mean. On a related note, Germany will play Greece in today’s Euro Cup quarterfinal. Germany is the heavy favorite, but the Greeks are expected to petition UEFA at halftime to force Germany to give back any first half goals.

• Retiring Democratic Congressman Gary Ackerman of New York did not hold back when asked about the biggest change over his 30 years in politics, saying, “I think the people have gotten dumber.” Democratic Party leaders immediately went into damage control mode, with VP Joe Biden responding, “I find Congressman Ackerman’s comparison between Old York and New York to be stuposterously unfair and unaccurate, literally a punch in the face to all middle class citizens.” President Obama also chimed in, saying, “Yes, we expected the people to be smarter by now, but that’s because we didn’t fully understand the depth of the hole of stupidity dug by the previous administration. Still, investments we’ve made in education over the last four years have steadily increased the level of intelligence across the 58 states.  Just recently I met a little girl in Idaho who was learning to speak Austrian.”

• Attorney General Eric Holder was recommended to be cited for contempt of Congress by a House Committee for his stonewalling over the Operation Fast and the Furious scandal. Holder feigned confusion at the vote, stating “This is another example of Republican partisanship having no bounds. The fact that I loved the Fast and Furious series and out-of-touch Republicans find them lame should not be a political issue. What movies President Obama and I watch together is certainly a matter of Executive Privilege.” Not realizing his mike was still on, Holder leaned over to Congressman Gary Ackerman and whispered, “The American people are dumb enough to believe that’s what this is all about, right?”

• In response to the contempt vote, Nancy Pelosi brought up the Karl Rove subpoena and the Bush administration’s claim of executive privilege, “I could have arrested Karl Rove on any given day,” Pelosi said to laughter, during a sit-down with reporters. “I’m not kidding. There’s a prison here in the Capitol … If we had spotted him in the Capitol, we could have arrested him.” When the gathered reporters suddenly realized she was being serious and asked her to elaborate, she eerily said, “Oh no. I’ve already said too much…” before scampering off. Later that day, John Grisham had a great idea for another bestseller.

• On Wall Street, the stock market jumped up and then back down this week, and a lot of market observers pretended to understand why.

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