In his weekly address, President Obama (con)descended from his cloud of nuanced genius to push “a few common-sense policies that would make a difference” with the economy, boiled down so completely that even we peons could understand. Later in the day, Rick Santorum used weaponized hypocrisy to give Obama a headache. We may have jumbled that last sentence, so here is our full breakdown of the bias from this Saturday’s MSM headlines:

1. CNN: “Hypocrisy in same-sex marriage debate?
Black church leaders arguing against same-sex marriage are making some of the same arguments that supporters of slavery made, some historians say”

Well if “some historians” are saying so… but what about the rest of the historian lot, who we’ll call “historians able to make distinctions”? The article criticizes the method of argument, but is noticeably light on substance (i.e. addressing the difference between skin color and sexual actions).  As if previous distortions of Scripture have made the source illegitimate for all, well, eternity. For good measure, the CNN Belief blog author quotes a lamentation that black churches are on “the wrong side of history”. Maybe, but what side of meaningless clichés are they on? 

2. CNN: “Santorum: Use issue as weapon 
Washington (CNN) – Rick Santorum is urging Mitt Romney to “step up” and weaponize the issue of same-sex marriage.”

Oh those crazy religious fanatics. Whether it’s Ahmadinejad with enriched uranium or Santorum with the gay marriage issue, they’re bound to eventually push for “weaponization”. On the other hand is the “courageous” Obama, who quite shamelessly monetized the issue by tying his announcement to a fundraising campaign.

3. Reuters: “Thousands protest economic gloom in Europe“

It’s like the saying goes, “All the best ideas come from Europe.”  No one really says that? Well they should. I mean, why didn’t we think of this earlier? The US has ample amounts of economic gloom, yet we’ve wasted our time alternatively protesting extreme government deficit spending (Tea Party) and corporate greed (Occupy Wall Street). But the spending and the greed are only bit players in this soap opera. The economic gloom itself is the true culprit, and we should focus our protests on shaming it into disappearance. This is direct action at its finest.

4. ABCNews: “Obama pushes for ‘common-sense policies’“

Republicans are irrationally beholden to ideology, whereas Obama and the Democrats are “pragmatists” who only care about “what works” and enacting “common-sense policies”. This type of framing has recently been demolished by Jonah Goldberg’s new Tyranny of Cliches, so we won’t spend too much time on it. However, this quote from Obama’s Weekly Address deserves mentioning:

“That’s why we made Congress a handy “To-Do” list – just like the kind I get from Michelle.”

Did the most intelligent and eloquent president ever just manage to portray both he and the First Lady as nagging wives in the same sentence? That’s the type of oratorical efficiency we should all strive for.

5. Associated Press: “North Carolina a political headache for Democrats“

Obama may think he has gotten on the “right side of history” with his pronouncement of personal support for same-sex marriage, but he got on the wrong side of the state of North Carolina, where Democrats will hold their national convention. The best part of this headline? It isn’t gay activists or Joe Biden that are a political headache for Democrats.  No, North Carolina is the headache for passing a referendum that every other state also has when given the chance. Just like Arizona is a headache for passing legislation to deal with unchecked illegal immigration, forcing the Justice Department to sue. One begins to wonder if all these headaches are a case of hypochondria, conjured up to distract from a dismal economic record and failed presidency.