Weekly Breakdown: Republicans Convene

• In a subtly brilliant dig at climate change hysterics who cite models predicting what the global temperatures will be 100 years from now, Republicans cancelled the first day of their convention based on flawed weather reports that couldn’t predict the local conditions 3 days in advance.

• Regarding the convention occurring while a hurricane was closing in on Louisiana, Yahoo’s news chief was caught on an open mic saying that Mitt Romney “was happy to have a party while black people drown.” He was quickly fired for endorsing the stereotype the black people can’t swim.

• Republican convention speakers included New Mexico governor Susanna Martinez, Texas Senate candidate Ted Cruz, and Florida Senator Marco Rubio, as well as Utah congressional candidate Mia Love, former Democrat Arthur Davis, and Condoleeza Rice, whose speech was hailed as the best of the convention. Democrats scoffed at the notion that this shows Republican ideas appeal to a wide range of racial groups, with Joe Biden arguing that none of the speakers were “articulate and bright and clean“, and Harry Reid asking, “Can any of them even speak in a Negro dialect if necessary?

• VP candidate Paul Ryan’s speech was widely praised, but not by media “fact checkers”, who falsely claimed that his mentions of the GM plant in Janesville and Obama’s Medicare cuts contained lies. When queried on why fact checkers seemed to be straining for untruths in Ryan’s speech, lead Washington Post fact checker Glenn Kessler replied, “Honestly, we’re just really invested in the nickname “Lyin’ Ryan” sticking. It’s just too good. Short, simple, rhymes; it’s what we media types live for. The headlines write themselves. It’s the same reason the media called a guy from Jeremiah Wright’s church who passed the most controversial legislation in history ‘No Drama Obama’.”

• Ryan’s speech included some forced references to swing states, noting that his mother lives in Florida, he went to college in Ohio, and he knows what Michigan looks like during good times. Cut from the speech were references to the times he went skiing in Colorado and hiking in North Carolina. Luckily for him, Delaware is not in play. Otherwise he would have had to revisit that one bizarre night he ended up sleeping in a Denny’s parking lot in Dover.

• Mitt Romney’s Republican nomination acceptance included this devastating zinger: “You know there is something wrong with the kind of job he has done as president when the best feeling you had was the day you voted for him.” Romney followed with, “In contrast, my solemn guarantee is that nothing will make you feel less inspired than walking into a voting booth and pulling the lever for me. It may possibly be the single most boring thing you do in the next four years.”

• To close out the week, Al Gore called for an end to the electoral college. In a related story, John Kerry called for an end to negative ads and criticism of flip-flopping, John McCain called for an end to financial crises, and Joe Biden called for an end to people recording or writing down what he says.

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