Weekly Breakdown: Out of Context

• The North Korean women’s soccer team refused to take the field for an hour after a scoreboard glitch during introductions showed their players’ names next to the South Korean flag. In the interim, the crowd cheered wildly as video of Kim Jung-Un’s wedding was shown. Before the game finally started, the scoreboard operator chose to commit Hari-Kiri at midfield to relieve his shame. The North Korean’s went on to win the game 100-0. (Source: Korean Central News Agency of DPRK).

• Obama released an ad complaining that the Romney campaign has been taking his infamous “you didn’t build that” quote out of context. When Romney responded by explaining that the full context contained a condescending insult to business owners, Obama clarified, “No, I mean the FULL context. You know, I’m at a fire station, lot of union members around, most of the people in the crowd are fans of big government. I was just doing a little pandering. You’re not really gonna hold me to that, are you?”

• GM’s stock dropped below $19 a share, and has now lost over half its value, amounting to $30 billion in market capitalization in the last 18 months. When President Obama was asked how this reality compared to his claim that his “bet” on the American auto industry had caused it to “come roaring back”, the president responded with a question of his own, “Are you sure that’s the full context of the quote? I bet I said roaring back DOWN. Did Romney put you up to this?”

• Mitt Romney went on an overseas trip that included a stop in the UK, where he said aspects of Britain’s preparedness were “disconcerting“, before coming back the next day to say, “It looks like London is ready.” When criticized for the conflicting statements, Romney responded, “Come on, the Tea Party is really holding my feet to the fire back home, and I haven’t been able to flip-flop on anything in a while, so I figured, ‘How bout one for old time’s sake!’ You’re not really gonna hold me to that, are you?”

• The Congressional Budget Office revised its Obamacare estimates in lieu of the Supreme Court’s ruling, reporting that costs to the federal government will be $84 billion lower than previously estimated.  In related news, that crazy pastor predicted a new date for the end of the world, yet for some reason that got less attention.

• Twenty-one people were treated for burns at a Tim Robbins event, when they walked on hot coals after a motivational speech, in what appears to have been a dramatic reenactment of the Obama presidency.

• The Obama administration announced the creation of a new office dedicated to the education of African-Americans only, in what appears to be a dramatic reenactment of segregation.

• On Wall Street, the stock market dropped down before bouncing back to where it was, and a lot of investors unliked Facebook.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s