Today is the site’s first breakdown of a video, as well as our first breakdown of someone breaking down. If you need more motivation to enthusiastically get behind Romney for the upcoming presidential campaign, look no further than this video, which will be the approximate tone and level of grace that we can expect from an Obama concession speech:
Onto our second by second breakdown of this instant classic:
0:00 – “This hurts us all. Every single one of you out there in the nation, if you’re watching.”
Being that you’re on CNN, no, no one’s watching. But don’t worry, thanks to the internet you’ll go viral by morning… although not for the reasons you’re hoping. The only hurt being felt by all will be their sides, which will be splitting from laughter.
0:04 – “Democracy died tonight.”
Two popular elections in less than 2 years, the second one setting turnout records (with some liberal areas obliterating them), signals democracy’s death? Does he also exasperatingly declare “Football died tonight” at the end of each Superbowl?
0:07 – “I’m very emotional because we all had a lot invested in this.”
Ummm… I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’re just a very emotional person in general. But to be fair, apparently this guy invested everything else he had in Facebook, so it’s been a tough week for him investment-wise. Essentially a one-man repeat of fall 2008.
0:10 – “This was it. If we didn’t win tonight, the end of the USA as we know it, just happened.”
We’ll no longer be the United States? Is he talking secession here? What state does he expect to go along with him for that ride? I see that going about as well as the Jerry Maguire “Who’s coming with me?” scene, with the lady who slapped Tom Barrett joining him, and potentially his pet fish, although they are still refusing comment.
0:17 – “That’s it. We just got outspent 34 million to 4 million dollars.”
Said Wisconsin’s tax receipts to its government outlays prior to Scott Walker’s governorship. While that may be an exaggeration, 34 to 4 is almost the exact ratio of public union members’ benefits to what they pay towards them (12%), even after Walker’s reforms.
0:21 – “And we don’t have any other resource left besides the people you see here behind me. And if the people you see behind me can’t get it done tonight… it’s done, democracy is dead.”
Webster’s dictionary defines democracy as… okay, I won’t do that to you. But apparently this guy defines democracy as getting what he wants. Wisconsin’s public school system leaves a bit to be desired, but not sure where he got that from. As for the “people you see” behind him, my favorite is Santa Claus in the American flag shirt, who shows up right at this moment. The rest of the group seem shockingly nonchalant, almost oblivious to the tragic death of democracy that just took place. Then there’s the blinking red light, just begging him to stop.
0:32 – CNN anchor calls it “emotional testimony there from that blue collar voter…”
Yes, in the same way that my toddler gives “emotional testimony” when my wife takes back her iPhone from him. If a Tea Partier started spouting off like that, CNN would probably call the FBI. Since this fool is a Democrat supporter, they pretend to take him seriously.
Oh well, hopefully we’ll have a lot more material like this come November 7th.