Life of Elizabeth Warren

Elizabeth Warren - Caricature
(Photo credit: DonkeyHotey)

Today the Obama campaign posted the spectacularly creepy Life of Julia on his website, an advertisement for cradle-to-grave government lived out in the progressive fantasy world where Obama is a Hugo Chavez-esque president-for-life. Lesser known is the Obama campaign’s initial concept for a Life of Elizabeth Warren website.

We’ve obtained a copy of the initial draft:

1. In Kindergarten, Elizabeth Warren is told that her great-great-great grandmother may have been a Cherokee Indian. She dresses up as a Native American for Thanksgiving.

Under Mitt Romney, cuts to education funding will force the cancellation of Thanksgiving plays, affecting millions of students like Elizabeth Warren.

2. In high school, Elizabeth Warren decides to enter a beauty contest after receiving a compliment on her “high cheekbones”. She comes in 4th place, and claims she was discriminated against for not living on the reservation like the other three contestants.

Under Mitt Romney, discrimination lawsuits like Elizabeth Warren’s will be severely restricted, and beauty pageants will probably be outlawed.

3. In the 1980s, Elizabeth Warren cites her made up Indian Heritage as a way to take advantage of affirmative action benefits, helping her gain a position on the faculty at Harvard Law, who list her as evidence of their diversity.

Under Mitt Romney, America will become a colorblind society where people are judged based on the content of their character. Thousands of people with made up heritage like Elizabeth Warren will no longer receive benefits for the persecution they never actually faced.

4. At 62, Elizabeth Warren runs for the Senate, and her history of pretending to be an Indian comes out. Hilarity ensues.

Under Mitt Romney… ummm… did we tell you how Mitt’s great-grandfather was a polygamist? Those Mormons are weirdos, right?

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